Ladies Ladies Ladies.........
Hello all you women out there. I am looking for a women to fulfill a sexual fetish of mine. I love getting stuffed inside a cardboard box naked! Now you must have big hands like um... something like man hands! Cause I love seeing those big hands stuff me into a box naked! But anyways you need to also be hot like drop dead gorgeous. So if you think you are up for it hit be back with a email. I will be waiting for you..... Bill
Several years ago, I compiled a list of things to avoid in life:
1. Growling dogs.
2. People with bloody hatchets running through the streets yelling "That pigeon discovered the formula!"
3. Judgemental, hypocritcal squirrels.
4. Boxes that moan and smell of old ham.
Bill here violates Rule #4, as he likes to hide inside cardboard boxes. Some may say that just makes him a big ol' kitten at heart, but I don't know too many kittens sporting such a lovely and rugged handlebar moustache.
Bill has placed a personal ad seeking a drop dead gorgeous woman with large "man hands" to seal him inside a cardboard box. Which creates an interesting juxtaposition when considering the attractiveness of a woman, as most men consider "man hands" a definite deal breaker. You might be hot, but if you're attempting to stroke my cock with 10 grit sandpaper hands that could haul a dead giraffe through the llanos, your pretty breasts aren't going to keep my mind off the fact that you're whittling scraps of precious meat off my penis.
If I want my penis torn to shreds, I'll drench my balls in salmon paste and toot an eagle whistle.
I don't know too many gorgeous women who work in the large appliance shipping department of Sears that fix transmissions in their spare time, but if I did, I still doubt any would respond to this ad. While I hear many women coo dreamily about someday getting pounded like a piling by a faceless wanderer on a black horse, I rarely hear women brag that they had the greatest orgasm of their life last night by masturbating to visions stuffing a fat man with sausage fingers into a cardboard box.
Please pack with peanuts, coat with fucking stamps, and send to:
US Senator Larry Craig
United States Senate
Washington, DC 20510-1203