What I think would be hot is for a woman to wear a pair of rubber under pants for a few weeks, only removing them to use the toilet. She would shower in them (but if you let your BO build that would be nice too), sleep in them exercise in them. and during those few weeks the musk from her vagina will build and stew. only to be released from the underpants when I take them off so that you can sit on my face and I can enjoy the flavor and aroma of you.
If this scenario interests you please email Tom at XXXXXX@XXXXX.com
My mother owns some strange breed of dog, I have no idea what it's called, but it's something like a "Twice-Baked Parking Spaniel". I always get it wrong, and my mother scolds me for it, as though I might somehow offend the dog by mis-characterizing its heritage. Sure, it doesn't know its fucking asshole from a green pepper, but don't insult its ancestry.
The dog has two purposes in life: first, to annoy the fucking shit out of everybody within a 10 mile radius, and second, to find the most disgusting, foul, horrifying dead and/or rotten substance known to man and roll around in it long enough to ensure every single hair on its body is completely saturated with the thick, savory juices of whatever has deceased and/or was excreted from some mysterious, long-gone anus.
Dead seagull? Sure, why not take a spin in the entrails. Huge pile of St. Bernard shit? Sounds like a zesty snack. Two week old moose carcass lying on the side of the road? Don't mind if I do.
Tom feels the same way about women. When he says he wants a dirty woman, he doesn't necessarily mean a porn star. He means an athletic nun with no running water that masturbates with the rotting head of a sea bass. Massengil? No way. Bass-engill? Bring it on! We had a term for this smell when we were 16 years old; we called it "proof." Nowadays we call it "disgusting." Tom? He calls it "tangy."
I don't know how popular a fetish this is amongst men. But The Weasel can attest more than a few times we've been out at the bars and this particular olfactory assault wafted through the air like a distant tornado siren. "Watch out," it says.
If I'm going to enjoy something intended to "build and stew," let it be the vegetable flavors in a hearty shrimp gumbo. Pussy? Not so much. The general rule is if you can smell the onions in the kitchen, you should just stay the fuck in the living room.
Unfortunately Tom, most women find doucheing light-spirited and fun! Dad and the boys watch football, while Mom and daughter bond with light-hearted douche talk! Doucheing. Bringing families together since 1954.