Wednesday, October 1, 2008

That Not So Fresh Feeling

Musky

What I think would be hot is for a woman to wear a pair of rubber under pants for a few weeks, only removing them to use the toilet. She would shower in them (but if you let your BO build that would be nice too), sleep in them exercise in them. and during those few weeks the musk from her vagina will build and stew. only to be released from the underpants when I take them off so that you can sit on my face and I can enjoy the flavor and aroma of you.

If this scenario interests you please email Tom at
XXXXXX@XXXXX.com

My mother owns some strange breed of dog, I have no idea what it's called, but it's something like a "Twice-Baked Parking Spaniel". I always get it wrong, and my mother scolds me for it, as though I might somehow offend the dog by mis-characterizing its heritage. Sure, it doesn't know its fucking asshole from a green pepper, but don't insult its ancestry.

The dog has two purposes in life: first, to annoy the fucking shit out of everybody within a 10 mile radius, and second, to find the most disgusting, foul, horrifying dead and/or rotten substance known to man and roll around in it long enough to ensure every single hair on its body is completely saturated with the thick, savory juices of whatever has deceased and/or was excreted from some mysterious, long-gone anus.

Dead seagull? Sure, why not take a spin in the entrails. Huge pile of St. Bernard shit? Sounds like a zesty snack. Two week old moose carcass lying on the side of the road? Don't mind if I do.

Tom feels the same way about women. When he says he wants a dirty woman, he doesn't necessarily mean a porn star. He means an athletic nun with no running water that masturbates with the rotting head of a sea bass. Massengil? No way. Bass-engill? Bring it on! We had a term for this smell when we were 16 years old; we called it "proof." Nowadays we call it "disgusting." Tom? He calls it "tangy."

I don't know how popular a fetish this is amongst men. But The Weasel can attest more than a few times we've been out at the bars and this particular olfactory assault wafted through the air like a distant tornado siren. "Watch out," it says.

If I'm going to enjoy something intended to "build and stew," let it be the vegetable flavors in a hearty shrimp gumbo. Pussy? Not so much. The general rule is if you can smell the onions in the kitchen, you should just stay the fuck in the living room.

Unfortunately Tom, most women find doucheing light-spirited and fun! Dad and the boys watch football, while Mom and daughter bond with light-hearted douche talk! Doucheing. Bringing families together since 1954.



33 comments:

Anonymous said...

The videos are ridiculous. I think I peed my pants. Hurray for 80s commercials!

maryann said...

All this ad makes me think of what a raging infection this idea would cause. Yeast, if you were lucky. Bacterial and destructive, if you weren't.

I usually go commando (unless I'm wearing a skirt... I'm not Brit-Brit here) because I start feeling not-so-fresh just wearing normal cotton panties all day. The very idea of rubber makes me shudder.

For you fellas, that not-so-fresh feeling is really unpleasant. Really, really unpleasant. If we let it go long enough, it can almost feel sore.

This is easily the foulest fetish you've ever posted.

Evergrey said...

Yeeeeeeeeeeah no one could have paid me enough at my old job to do this. That is fucking FOUL!

horsegal said...

Ouch. Yuck. And PeeeeeeeeEEEEWWWWWWW.

'Nuff said.

horsegal said...

Meant to add -

Weasel writes "He means an athletic nun with no running water that masturbates with the rotting head of a sea bass."

That is priceless. You have gone beyond merely visuals to olfactory stimulation via the written word. LOL

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Those commercials...priceless!

I can't remember the last time I've seen an ad for that. I believe modern medicine has pretty much proven that one of the worst things you can do to your hoo-ha is squirt a bunch of flower scented chemicals up there.

Normal cleanliness, still highly recommended, of course!

ChestnutJumper784 said...

Maryann-100% agree. This sounds like a recipe for the worst yeast infection known to womankind, within only a few days. Mmmm. Yeast. It's what for [Tom's] dinner!

fuglymanoftheday said...

Eww, gross, nasty, disgusting, foul, vile, etc. This is by far the most offensive and downright disgusting post I have ever seen!! Now I understand why chastity belts exist, because of people like Tom. The way it's described it almost sounds like his favorite recipe, "stewing, aroma, flavor" mmm mmm good. Like Weasel said, I prefer my meat to be cajun seasoned and flame broiled, not locked up in a human landfill for 3 weeks until the suffocating stench...I mean "aroma" is just right. Luckily, for all of you wonderful women out there, Tom doesn't actually need a vagina to fulfill his fantasy, a quick trip to any public restroom for a "swirly" ought to produce the desired result of "tasting the flavor and aroma."

Ella said...

Those commercials.. really? I can't even imagine them being on TV. Ridiculous!

CutNJump said...

We can only hope someone with a nasty, oozing, raging, highly contageous infection takes him up on his offer. It would serve him right.

Gawd and all the men I know would drop girls for what they called a 'stanky pussy'. Maybe him and Tim at the Hairy Snack Shack could join forces. Along with Beaver from the other day-

This guy gets them cleaned up for Tim, who then takes his shot, before Beaver tells them how to trim the hedges...

teawithlime said...

Since Tom is from the Boston area, and is turned on by foul smells, I suggest that he ride the Orange Line or, better still, stick his head in the Charles River.

anniebanannie said...

Ella said...

"Those commercials.. really? I can't even imagine them being on TV. Ridiculous!"

A non-horse person and a youngster. It's nice to that we're perverting a new generation.

Ella said...

Thanks, I appreciate that.

Ella said...

btw, I WAS alive in the 80s. Just don't remember them super clearly seeing as I was born in 86. I get most of my info off of VH1, ha.

water_bearer said...

Oh my god, those commericals. I remember them both. Mom and daughter on the beach having a heart to heart? Funny. Mom and daughter in a closet having a heart to heart about nozzle comfort? Priceless.

Jon said...

When I read Tom's ...description... it induced in me a legitimate gag reflex. Not some exaggerated "gross..."; no, this was a legitimate dry heave. On that note, I plan to enjoy the rest of the entries on this site. Cheers!

Weasel said...

Nice to see the fuckin' BOYS commenting!!!

Keep it up guys, btw the responses on here are killin me.

I'm off to Los Angeles!

Nosnikta said...

Bass-engill??

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Nosnikta said...

... tastes like chicken.

Ella said...

noskita! you're alive! I was just wondering where you had gone.

Nosnikta said...

I have been sicker than a mangey dog!!!!!! OMG! they even tested me for WNV. I haven't gotten the results back yet cuz they have to send my blood to the state. Gawd, now they have my DNA on record lmao (shit!)

In any case... I'm back with the living and am even gonna enter up with my Hell-Bitch mare in a fun playday show tomorrow!

The Man-Slave thinks I'm nuts... but that's why he married me, right? :-D

I've missed you guys!

Rhyadawn said...

disturbing... and very much not safe. Raging yeasty beasties... just what every woman wants in her whoohaw.

those vids are priceless. So glad that the Mds have discovered that a womans most private place is a place best left free of chemicals.

jessica said...

After the yeast infection that would brew from wearing rubber pants for an extended period of time, masturbating with whole sea bass would seem like a reasonable option, the scales could maybe scratch some of the itch as it was coming out. I've considered a bottle brush or one of those wire grill cleaning brushes in the past when I've been the witch with the itch.
Thank GOD for diflucan.

Mack Truck said...

Interesting factoid; apparently Napoleon Bonaparte shared Tom's predilections for unwashed female genitalia.

When he knew he was returning to France, he'd send a letter to Josephine and tell her not to bathe for the next 3 weeks. Puke.

Oh, and the douche commercials? Remember them well.

My mother was a nurse, and said the WORST thing a woman could do was use one of those things. Soap and water only, ladies!

Ella said...

well I'm glad you're feeling better Nos! We missed you!

Andrea said...

The sequence in the second commercial where the mother and daughter are caressing each other's faces while standing waist-deep in the ocean is rather... disturbing. I'm not sure that counts as effective imagery for selling douches (or much of anything else).

Casey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

yeah that would definitely cause some nasty, nasty infections. not to mention wanting to puke every time that you pulled them down in order to pee.

Anonymous said...

On the bright side this would give him the nastiest case of oral thrush ever. In my experience, men are far more skeeved by the idea of having thrush than women are.

123 123 said...

Interesting article you got here. It would be great to read more concerning that theme. Thnx for giving that information.
Sexy Lady
Female Escorts London

Anonymous said...

It is rather interesting for me to read that article. Thank you for it. I like such topics and anything connected to them. I would like to read more soon.

Anonymous said...

Pretty cool site you've got here. Thanks the author for it. I like such topics and anything that is connected to this matter. BTW, try to add some images :).

Anonymous said...

"Mom, do you douche?"

"Yes, honey, that's just the dead fish washing up on shore you're smelling."