Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Daisy Pukes

Just A Simple Thing!

I am Exhibitionist Looking For Woman OVER 55 for CFNM Don't care what you look like. This I'm not so bad---just over 50 & we know what that means--we're just not quite as "desireable" as the younguns. btw--CFNM is clothedfemalenakedmale which I can elaborate on if you want. THANX! PS--discretion given & asked! Nik XXX-XXX-XXXX

You know, these looked a lot better on Daisy Duke than they do on Uncle Jessie.

Nik's an exhibitionist, and I feel strongly he'd at least win a blue ribbon if he ever entered his balls into an exhibition titled "The World's Most Disgusting Genital Area- Ever." Apparently someone inserted a sea anenome into a sausage casing and strangled it with Bon Jovi's tattered headband and called it a penis. Someone get it a fucking wheelchair.

We must remember that Nik posted this photo in an attempt to attract a woman to have sex with him. I don't think you chose the best photo Nik. You'd have a better chance of getting a woman in the mood if you posted photos of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, or perhaps a photo from a devastating car accident. When a woman looks at this photo, her eggs immediately jump out of her ovaries, split themselves open, leap into the nearest frying pan and scramble themselves.

Nik is seeking a CFNM session, otherwise known as a Clothed Female-Naked Male encounter, a popular fetish among men. I wouldn't worry about the "clothed female" part Nik, I'm sure you've been dealing with that your whole life. A woman wouldn't take her clothes off around you unless you had some rope and a barrel of moths. In fact, a woman wouldn't take her clothes off around you if she was on fire. "No thanks," she'd say, "they're just mildly irritating flames."

While you may think the teasing, wispy edges of your torn hot pants and your playful, rotted orange pubic magpie nest of a groin qualifies as you "not too bad", I think the readers of WWHM might offer a more sobering opinion in the comments section. If you're "not too bad", then Richard Simmons isn't "too gay".

Now spray that fucking thing with disinfectant and put on an armor suit so we feel safe.

Maggot.

29 comments:

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Um...now, I don't have balls, so correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that be really fucking painful?

I mean, yeah, it's totally gross and unattractive but it also looks like something that would land you in the E.R., trying to explain how you got those red, raw and swollen areas to a nurse who is rolling her eyes and starting to think a transfer to the colostomy aftercare ward wouldn't be so bad.

horsegal said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*rr eehh rrrr GAK!*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA *snort* HAHAHA LMAO

*retch RETCH*

Side effect of reading WWHM - learning how to simultaneously shoot coffee out your nose from hysterical laughter while gakking up last night's dinner into a clambucket. We need to think of a word for this phenomenon, any suggestions?

Great posts today Weasel!! Thanks for my fix!!

Pilar said...

Not enough baby animals!! Not enough baby animals!!
Wasn't that a scene in 'There's Something About Mary'?

Thingsthatperplexme said...

I literally scrolled down and a visceral "eeghhh" of discgust was emitted from my mouth without forethought. that's definitely duck worthy..


I'm still cringing.

Mack Truck said...

From fab body to OMIGAWD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

Seriously, that is just nasty.

Over 50 doesn't mean scraggly, skanky butt hairs hanging out, or a wanker that looks like it'd like to do a Lorena Bobbit on itself to get away from the dick it's attached to.

My SO is 51, and looks great. If he EVER posed for a picture like that though, I'd have to nail him in the balls with my .38.

That just ain't RIGHT!

ChestnutJumper784 said...

"we're just not quite as "desireable" as the younguns."

It's not the age so much as the screaming fact that Nik has VOMITALIA. And bothered to take a picture of it, as it devoured a pair of 1982 stonewashed jeans. This is the Off Deep Woods Sportsman 98.11% DEET equivalent of woman repellant.

Havocec said...

What is that? Last time I saw anything like that was when a kangaroo was giving birth. An event with at least served a purpose.

I think we should make him bungee jump with the bungee cords attached to the front and the back of those dukes.

Anonymous said...

I don't know where to start...not the most disgusting ad you've ever posted (remember the dick with the pencil eraser? It still gives me nightmares!) but still definitely NOT something that makes me hot and bothered. And I agree with Fugs on the part about it looking painful.

I always wonder exactly what guys think when they take these pictures...have they honestly deluded themselves into thinking that women would be attracted to this?

CaliGirl9 said...

Oh boy.
I guess the bright side is he's not wearing some little satiny and lacy thing purchased from WalMart's lingerie department...
I have an overwhelming urge to put on double gloves, a hazmat jumpsuit complete with a closed respirator system, and pour hot wax over that thing. And then walk... ahem, RUN away from the toxic mess.
And that's MY definition of CFNM.

SweetPea said...

Holy shit... I have a pussy and that looks painful to me!! Can't imagine what it's doing to.... ,um, him? That is a him, right? Not some small undiscovered woodland creature trying to claw it's way out into the sunlight, right?

Carol :) said...

Somebody should email him and ask if that thing comes in an adult size!!

I did get a good laugh out of it (as disgusting as it is)!!

Thanks for the duck, it was necessary!!!

:)

Calantha said...

Those Dukes seem to be cutting off circulation down there. Nik's going to get a serious case of gangrene if he keeps torturing his bits like that! Good grief man, what the hell made you think FUCKING DAISY DUKES were a good idea?!

kahara said...

Wow. I'm at a loss for words this time. Give me back the saran-wrap guy. At least his bits were covered, albeit transparently.

I'm still waiting for a rat to crawl out of one of the jean's tattered holes. Or maybe a parade of spiders and/or cockroaches.

kalmanen said...

"If you're "not too bad", then Richard Simmons isn't "too gay"."

That made me laugh so hard it hurts in my toes.

And for the love of gods, WHY there isn't a genital warts-duck between this and the cellophane dress... there is no escape between them!

Quarter to Three Studios said...

"Apparently someone inserted a sea anenome into a sausage casing and strangled it with Bon Jovi's tattered headband and called it a penis. Someone get it a fucking wheelchair."


can't.....fucking....breathe....
laughing....too...hard.....

it's pretty obvious which head he was thinking with when he posted this- and it's not the one on his shoulders!

CutNJump said...

OK! Thank you for the ducky, but some things can't be unseen!

I couldn't even read the ad with that sick and diseased thing staring at me...

Like a half burnt Tickle Me Elmo, with a wicked case of every STD out there IT STARES AT YOU, as if waiting for something to cure it...

It's not like his choice of shorts was even close. At least pick a pair with an appropriately placed 'hole' or tear.

Sorry, not even the duck helped. I'm going back to stare at surfer boy for my brain bleach. I'm not even sure that will work...

CutNJump said...

Mack truck I almost shot Sunny D & Squirt through my nose reading your comment.

That's good stuff there!

Mack Truck said...

Thanks, Cutnjump.

I always enjoy your commentary too!

water_bearer said...

What the fuck, Weaz? Make that a few dozen baby ducks next time, will ya?
This is like some bad B-movie style horror gay porn flick.
"Co-ed Cajun Prison Sluts II - Attack of the Killer Boudin Sausage."

CutNJump said...

I somehow managed to block the pic enough to read the ad, but not the following commentary. Wow!

He still looks like a half burnt TME with STD's.

At least the shorts SPARED us all of spying the taint and everything else.

Unlike some of Weasels other posts!

nip/tuck said...

WOW! I think this needs to be on a poster with Saran wrap guy. "This is your cock. This is your cock after 12 hours of plastic suffocation."

Karmyn said...

That looks incredibly painful. It's going to fall off any moment.
Can you imagine the smell when he takes those shorts off? Got to have more skidmarks than a racetrack.

Biskuits said...

I don't care about the horrible things you said about that duck, Weasel; I'd take him over Mr. Nik here ANY day of the week. Maybe even the insane seagulls from the post above the duck. Basically, I'd rather diddle with a fowl than have anything to do with this man's foul diddle *shot*

Nosnikta said...

OMG LMAO.. I've been fighting an upper respiratory infection and THIS sent me into laughing coughing lung-flinging spasms.

You could castrate sheep with those shorts.

CutNJump said...

Biskuits-
Basically, I'd rather diddle with a fowl than have anything to do with this man's foul diddle *shot*


That is hilarious. I almost sprayed my drink on the computer. Thanks! After dealing with a ton of bullshit from my Mom over the weekend- this is exactly what I needed for a Monday!

Rhyadawn said...

that is painful, and disturbing, and I think I need to go heave!

good work weas!

Katie said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

SURFYRE said...

Someone needs to put that thing out of it's misery. Someone has a .38 on here. Hurry up and shoot it.

astrothsknot said...

All I can think is that poor wee willie getting all squashed in those horrible shorts for our bemusement

Someone should contract PETE (People for theEthical Treatment of Erections), so it can be rescued and rehomed in a pair of sweatpants, where it can roam free.

In private.