Vegatarian seeks animal lover
Do you love animals? I am an animal lover who is seeking a woman who is the same and does not eat them. I currently have four dogs (one on the couch with a cast!), seven cats (two kittens, whoops) 10 rabbits two birds, two snakes, a turtle, 5 lizards and I keep a very large collection of rare fish in a custom built tank. Hurting animals makes me extremely angry and I will probably love my animals more than you lol. Call Eddie at XXX-XXX-XXXX
Way to finish Eddie.
Women love to hear that they will always play second fiddle to a cold-blooded lizard that sits under a fucking heat lamp all day eating lettuce. Share a birthday with the rabbit? You're getting carrots, and only half a bag.
Anyway, welcome to violent vegetarian Eddie's personal ad, which ironically also mirrors any mid-town Korean lunch menu. If you love men and animals and refuse to eat either, here's your chance to kill two birds with one stone. But I don't recommend you actually kill his birds, because it sounds as if you'll end up injured like his dog, in which case you two will spend a lot of time together licking each other's casts.
Eddie doesn't tell us much about himself in his personal ad except that he has a propensity for violence, he doesn't eat meat, and apparently he owns a petting zoo license. I think this is because when you live with that many animals, you tend to be the center of attention and everybody loves you. Maybe he thinks women will love him unconditionally just as much as his animals do. Ha!
Women only love men conditionally Eddie, and those conditions are far more complex than the thick, viscous casserole of ornate poo stains that decorate your carpet like a Van Gogh shit exhibit. Animals love you because you feed their mouths; women love you because you feed their mouths, ears, minds, and pussies. And unfortunately for you, Purina doesn't make any shit called Emotional Balance- For Women.
If you piss off your new vegetarian girlfriend, you'll come home to a plate of jellied calico cat with a side of steamed bird beaks.